Amateurs
by Labyrinth1n3
Summary: Everyone's heard their own stories about what Gotham's Clown Prince of Crime does in his spare time away from his Bat, but Poison Ivy enlightens a group of bar goers about a story she'd heard about the Joker. Warning! Drug Use, Mutilation, Blood Play, M/M


**Warning **– This contains some pretty hardcore material. Drug Use, M/M, Mutilation, and Blood Play. All that great stuff.

Amateurs

"Amateurs, all a bunch of nonsense. Rumors if you will." A mysterious woman with long red hair exclaims as she brings down her glass with an enormous thud. The men sitting at the bar further down from her drop their jaws as she swivels around to them, one of them decides to speak up.

"Yeah and? I'm pretty sure no one REALLY knows anything about him… but I'm telling you, the guys who told me this worked for him once. Almost got him killed but the bullet only grazed his shoulder…" he takes a swig of whatever he was drinking. His buddies look at him faithfully, nodding their heads as they look back to woman with immense disapproval. He then adds, "How would a dame like you know anything about him…"

The woman laughs, "First off, that story is completely false. Whoever told you that never worked for the Joker. Anyone who works for him gets off'd in one way or another. That's the joke, get it?"She rolls her eyes and takes another drink. The one guy gets up and walks towards her angrily.

"Oh yeah? And how do you know so much about him." He makes the mistake of getting closer to her while poking her on her bare shoulder, "I think YOU'RE the phon….GWAHHHHHH" before he could even finish, his finger started to sizzle and burn. She starts to laugh. Recoiling his whole arm into his chest, he quickly takes a look at the single finger and notices that there isn't a fingerprint on the digit anymore, it's been smoothed away.

His gang rushes over to him and takes a look at his injured finger; then they all baffle at her. The injured man speaks, "What the hell is wrong with you lady?" He hisses as he flexes his fingers, her laugh grows louder. "Damn, what kind of lotion do you use?"

Her laugh isn't paltry anymore, now it's maniacal. The frightened men start to back away, she manages to speak, "Lotion, right…" she gets off of her bar stool and sits down at a larger table. She signals the men to sit around her, and curiously, they do.

"Haven't I seen you somewhere?" one of the men remarks as he takes a chair and sits down next to her. Amused, she takes another swig from the glass she brought over. She glances at him, "Really? I couldn't imagine where…" the red haired woman sarcastically muses as she smugly leans back onto her chair.

"Yeah, I think I've seen you too… I just can't…" the guys starts to scratch his head as though the answer was buried somewhere in his scalp. Suddenly one of his other friends jump up, "I KNOW! You're that lady! The plant lady! What's her name…" he concludes excitedly.

"Poison Ivy…" the man whose finger was burned states recumbently, "So that's why I'm never going to have to worry about someone finding my fingerprint somewhere… heh I should be thanking you…" he adds sarcastically.

Realizing they're in the presence of one of the more notorious criminals in the city, the men start to tense as they nervously hunch over the table, seemingly in awe. She nods her head half-mindedly, "Acid works wonders let me tell you" she plays with the rim of her glass which causes it to ring, "… hm… reminds _me _of a story I've heard about the Joker."

"You mean the story about him falling into a tank of it?" one of the men quirkily responds. All the men moan in annoyance and push at him humorously.

Poison Ivy rolls her eyes, "Well bozo, there are _different _types of acid. But you kiddies wouldn't know, this is grown up talk." She teases as she raises her hand to request more booze.

As she talks to one of the waiters, one of the guys puffs out a breath of air and mocks, "So that's why he's so crazy, he ODs on Acid and god knows what else…"

One of the other guys chime in, "I hear he's got contacts in Columbia that give him the purest coke you can find…"

"Now that's true.." Poison Ivy claims as she finishes ordering her next round of drinks. "But he won't even let _Harley_ know where he stashes the majority of it. He's been robbed by his own men once or twice when he kept it on him." She positions herself on the chair more comfortably, "And the Acid thing, well… _he _doesn't do Acid. From what I've heard, it doesn't do anything for him. But he keeps a ready stash of it somewhere. But not even his goons will touch _that_ stuff, apparently its hardcore."

"So why does he have it if he never touches it?" one of the guys ask.

She shrugs, "I asked Harley about it once. She said that she'd never seen him use it. When she asked him about it, all he told her was that it was for "entertainment purposes only". And when she asked him if he ever used it, he just punched her in the face and yelled at her for "insulting him". So it's safe to assume that he never personally touches the stuff. I don't think he needs to honestly."

"So he'll do coke but not acid? What sense does that make…" one of the other guys question.

Ivy gets her drinks and starts on one of them, "Two different drugs. With Joker's head it's no surprise that some drugs work on him and others don't. But I digress; I've heard _stories_ about what he _does_ do with the acid he keeps."

"How do you know it's legit?" another goon prods.

She adds something to her drink from a vial in her suit, "We criminals are tight, I heard this from Penguin who heard it from another bar owner, and Oswald wouldn't tell me something like this if he didn't think it was true himself."

"What? Tell you what?" All the guys come in close.

She takes a swig and then chuckles, "You guys are pathetic. But whatever I'll enlighten you." She coughs a bit as whatever she added in her drink starts to kick in, "Penguin retold me a story he heard from the owner of the gay bar on Eutaw Street…"

"NO WAY!" one of the guys shouted as the other guys start to laugh hysterically, "The dude's a f…"

Ivy throws one of the empty glasses towards the goon, he doesn't dodge in time and it hits him square in the face. "Shut your mouth. You don't know a thing about the Joker. You think he cares about gender? Hell no. As long as it screams he could care less…imbecile" she sways a bit before she laughs to herself, "Look at me defending him… how sad."

"Why would he go to a gay bar though? Doesn't he have Harley?" one of the guys asks, seemingly honest.

Ivy rolls her eyes and then puffs, "Yeah, when she's not in Arkham… but when she's locked up I guess he's got to have _some_ fun…" she finishes her sentence by pouring her imported absinth over a sugar cube positioned on a spoon over an empty glass.

"Why not call a hooker?"

"That's not how Joker gets off…" she admits horridly.

"Oh like you'd know…"

Ivy gazes towards the ceiling and embarrassingly recalls a certain citation she found herself in while she, the Joker and Harley were hiding out together when the 'heat was on hard'. She brings her hand to her head and absent mindedly groans, "Man were we bored…." She mutters under her breath, "Stupid… coke... aphrodisiacs …"

One of the guys raises a brow, "Come again?"

Ivy laughs at the pun only she got, "Yeah yeah, lets just say I know one or two things about what tickles the Joker's fancy… and it's not your casual hook up."

"Then what happened at the gay bar?"

Ivy tries to recollect the story Penguin told her. Remembering it, she starts to doubt its credibility, at least she wishes she could, "Well, the gay bar on Eutaw gets a variety of people. You know… veterans who know the know, fag hags, bull dykes, lipstick lesbians, hardcore S&M freaks… the whole lot. The only thing it specializes in is having a good time."She stops as she notices the sugar in her absinthe has completely dissolved.

"But Joker wouldn't go there for any of them would he? Doesn't seem… like him… I guess…"

Ivy nods, "You're right bozo! He's only there to pick out guys from a certain crowd," she laughs, "The easiest crowd to spot..."

"Bar virgins."

* * *

It was going to be Stan's first time at the Hippo. All of his friends said that he had to go once since it was the most popular gay bar in Gotham, he was never fond of the idea. He'd only come out maybe a year ago and only to his best friend. But the more he felt comfortable with his sexuality, the more easily it felt to tell people. After a while, he became openly gay, but still reserved. His best-friend-turned-boyfriend took him out on a few dates now and then. Plus, college life made it easier to spend the night, so Stan was pretty content with his love life at the time. However he originally wanted to hang out with his boyfriend tonight, but he got the text:

"Can't dude, physics test, maybe tomorrow night. ;)"

"Damn Kyle…." He really wanted some! But that was when this text came up:

"Why don't you try out the Hippo? You can hook up, I don't care. I better not see him around though… lol"

Stan smirked, and then moved around uncomfortably in his car. He was getting anxious, but not enough to actually _go_…

Then another text came up:

"Hey, get me some Chinese food at the place next to it when you go. If you get me some, I'll give YOU some. Get it?"

Stan smiled deviously, "I guess I'm going…" Stan rolled his eyes as he started up his car.

It only took him only 20 minutes to get to where the bar was located. He parked his car at a nearby garage, it was after 6:00 so it was free. He shut the car door and shuffled out of the garage, it was cold. He walked towards the bright pink lights, but the closer he got to the bar, the more uncomfortable he felt. _I think I'm just going to get him the Chinese food… fuck Hippo…_

By the time he got to the bar he didn't even give it a glance. He just walked right past it, as though it was a rinky-dink trinket store. But as soon as he got to the Chinese place he got another text:

"You know what? Screw it, I don't want Chinese, I already had dinner and I don't need the extra calories…"

"Aw?! Awwwwwhhhh…" he moaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Stupid fuck Kyle… drove out here for nothing…" he kicked the building and walked back towards his car. But that's when he heard the music coming from the bar… it was Underworld, he actually liked this song.

"King of Snake huh? I can dance to that…" he took out the money he was going to use to buy Kyle's Chinese food and paid the cover charge.

He'd never seen anything like it, it was crazy and there were so many people there! There were different floors which had railings flashing with LED lights with black lights illuminating all the neons painted on the walls. Unfortunately, Stan was only 19 so he couldn't drink but he stored his coat away anyway and took to the dance floor. Little did he know, someone already took note of him.

While Stanley danced to the immense beat the song provided, a man seated in a far corner of the bar eyed him viciously. The man knew that this kid was it. This was kid that he was going to sucker in tonight. He hadn't done this for AGES, ever since Harley came around he didn't really need to. Yet while he was looking for a new toxin in his cabinet today, he spotted his Acid tucked away in the corner. It was about time to whip it out again.

So that's why he came out here again, it was just the right time too! And lucky him, this kid was fresher than fresh. The kid's little dance moves were so cute. The kid's never danced in public before, it was blaringly obvious. However the song was winding down, he'd better get ready.

Stan was starting to slow down as the song came to an end; he was thirsty. He stopped right as the song ended and walked towards the bar.

Perfect. Joker was already there.

Stan leaned against the bar and opened his mouth to request a Coke, but he didn't get to.

"Don't bother kid.." a voice came out from behind him. Stan swiveled his head around, "Huh?"

A gloved hand reached out and offered him some kind of cocktail, "I've got you covered."

Stan was a bar virgin, but he wasn't dumb. "Ah no thanks, I shouldn't, I have to drive home…"

Joker took a swig of it to prove it wasn't spiked, "One drink won't hurt." He egged the kid on, seemingly innocent.

Stan was weary of him. The man was seated at a bar table all by himself, but somehow, the kid was drawn to him. He had some kind of magnetic quality to him, even though the man was much older than him, and from this angle it looked like he had white skin. It had to be the lights. Everyone's skin looked lighter with the black lights and all.

So Stan nervously sat across from him out of pure interest. Joker broke out into a satisfied smile and pushed the glass towards him and Stan grabbed it but didn't take a drink at first.

"You're new here aren't you kid…" Joker teased.

Stan laughed nervously, "Yeah, I'm mad at my boyfriend… he can be so indecisive and bitchy sometimes."

Joker played along and rolled his eyes, "Sounds annoying, no wonder you wanted to break free for a while."

Stan nodded, "Yeah well, I heard a song I liked and I wanted to dance it off. It kinda worked; I feel a little better… so why are you here? Do you come often?"

Joker spun off a story, "No actually. I'm kind of new to this scene as well. I'm the vice president of a big contracting firm and at my age, I'd probably be treated differently if they found out I was, well… you know. "

"Yeah," Stan stated, somewhat concerned, "That must be so hard."

Joker shrugged, "Yeah well, that's why I'm so happy you kids live in the times you do. I would have loved it. I saw you on the dance floor over there and you looked so carefree; as if you were in your own element. I'm envious, but I'm glad that kids your age have these liberties now." Joker pretended to be forlorn.

"Wow," Stan felt really bad for the guy, "Look dude, I mean, you can still come here! I mean you should get out there and have some fun!" Stan prodded the man seated across from him.

Joker laughed, "Nah nah. I can't dance as well as you kids do, not at this age. Instead…" he reached over to his own drink. "I think we should have a toast… to your generation." Joker lifted up his glass.

By now Stan thought he could trust the guy. He seemed harmless enough, charming too. He sympathized with him as well; for years Stan felt as though he couldn't out himself. In high school he was the quarterback of his football team and that was how he got into college in the first place. This man had it worse though, poor dude will probably never be able to out himself. So, sympathetically, Stan raised the glass and toasted with the mysterious stranger seated across from him.

Stanley took a sip. Joker was unaffected by the acid he used to spike the kid's drink.

Stan didn't notice the acid at all, he blamed his drowsiness on the alcohol itself since Joker bought him a couple more after the first one. They ended up staying at the club for quite some time; Stan didn't notice his cell phone buzzing every ten minutes. The kid was completely wasted by the end of the night, and also completely attached to his mysterious club partner.

At this point in time, they were both on the second level of the club. The kid was straddling the Joker as they sat on a couch in some secluded corner. The Joker let the kid nip at his jaw line while massaging his chest. He noticed that the kid was getting hard since it was grinding against his torso, so he made a suggestion, "Hey kid, why don't we go back to my place? It's not far from here and I live on the top floor. Cost me a bundle, but I like looking down at the city…"

Stan slurred excitedly, "Youu… You live on top of a…Skyscraper?!" he laughed into the Joker's neck as he continued to grind into his partner's abdomen.

Joker laughed as he gripped the kid's hips to stop them from attacking him, "Yeah, you'll love it."

"But… my car…" the kid seemed to recall that it drove here.

"If you give me the keys I'll have one of my interns drive it to the college tomorrow. As for you…" Joker roughly bit onto one of the kid's nipples though his shirt, the kid moaned. "I'll have my limo driver make a special stop by your dorm tomorrow on my way to work. I'll even pay you for your time tonight... how does… say I don't know…. the entirety of your college tuition sound?" By this point Joker knew the kid would believe anything he told it.

He was right, the kid was gone, "oh god I love you….who ever the fuck you are… vice president…"

"Uncle J"

"uncle j…."

Joker left the bar with the kid and eventually arrived to where he parked his own car. Joker helped the kid into the passenger seat, making sure the fucker didn't get hurt just yet. Stan wasn't unconscious but he never noticed that the car started or that they weren't driving towards the heart of the city where the sky scrapers were.

Joker was driving towards the outskirts of town. For fun, he decided to play with his new, temporary, toy on the way there.

"I hope you aren't allergic to dogs…" he asked pretending to care.

"I love fuck'n dogs…" Stan laughed as he rolled his head to the side…

Joker held in his laugh and blurted out, "Really? I didn't know you were into that. Interesting, we might have to try that tonight after they eat your face off…"

Stan didn't get that last part, "No! No! Not… _fucking_ dogs. I just love dogs a lot… god you're sick…" he continued to laugh as he pushed Joker's arm in jest.

Joker decided to laugh with it, "Kid you have no idea…" he laughed harder.

The laugh sent a weird chill down Stan's spine. He'd heard it before. Not in person, but like… in a movie or on TV or something. Stan looked at the man driving to see if he could recognize him. For some reason, maybe because he was drunk, it still looked like the dude had white skin, but now he looked like he also had green hair and an abundance of lipstick.

Then it hit him.

"You're…. you're not a vice president…" Stanley stated pointing his finger at the man.

Joker started to smile as he turned into the abandoned fun house near a toxic waste dump, "Really? How did you find out?" He asked it, a hint of malice in his voice.

Stan started to put two and two together, but because he was still fried, his mind didn't perceive any danger from the situation at hand, "because… vice presidents don't have green hair… and white skin… and big red lips… they also don't laugh like that. There's only one guy I know of that has all three of those things…"

Joker parked the par and turned off the ignition, "Oh really? And who might that be?" He asked knowingly as he turned his head towards the kid.

Stan continued to point at the Joker… but then started to laugh hysterically. The Joker joined it.

They stayed in the car and continued to laugh until Joker opened his car door and walked over to the passenger side and opened Stan's door. Stan fell to the ground laughing.

Joker light heartedly announced, "You know what kid? I think I'm going to have fun with you tonight! You seem like an open minded kind of punk."

Stan just smiled and gazed up at him. The Joker. Kyle wasn't going to believe this. "My boyfriend will never believe that you picked me up from a club… oh my god he's going to FREAK when I tell him!" he started to laugh again as the Joker helped him to his feet.

The Joker patted the kid's back as he led it into the hideout. There was no one else there, his goons were instructed to go elsewhere. "You're right! I mean how could he? I mean there aren't many people who have had a night with me and are alive to talk about it…"

Stan yet again didn't catch that last part, he did however notice the huge hyenas pulling at their chains growling at him furiously. "Woah man, those are some big dogs…" he stumbled back into a random couch.

Joker left him to go fetch something, "yeah yeah they're all bite and no bark though, so don't worry" Stan yet again didn't catch that last part. Joker came back to where Stan was seated and started to arrange something on the table. "Ever done coke before kid?" Joker asked him up front.

Shaking his head, Stanley responded lazily, "No man… never wanted to touch the stuff…"

"What about now?" Joker handed it a rolled up 100 dollar bill, willing it to take it from him.

Stanley smiled bashfully, "Well… this is probably a dream since like… **you're **right in front of me and I actually went to a club tonight and like there was like a huge elephant on the dance floor and now I'm here in this toy warehouse place where these huge fucking dogs tried to kill me so…" the kid grabs the rolled up 100 dollar bill and leans down to snort the line. Joker peers down at the punk with the most satisfied smirk on his face.

He watched as the kid messily attempted to do the whole line at once. The kid stopped half way and started to sneeze, spraying the shit everywhere. Joker grew annoyed. "Come on kid, that stuff isn't cheap. _Finish it."_ He growled.

Stanley groaned as he dizzily brought down his head again to reluctantly finish the line. Joker started to cackle as something in his pants started to swell. _"Good kid…"_

Stan threw his head back onto the couch as he let the drugs take their toll. He had no idea why he decided snort it, even if this _was _a dream. Coke? Seriously? This was too weird. Stanley started to crawl towards the Joker who was quite happy with the little performance his new toy was providing.

The Joker let the kid grip onto his pant leg… "m…mr. Joker.. sir?….What's this stuff gonna do to me?" Stanley worriedly asked the older man.

Joker decided to stoke the kid's hair, "It'll fuck you up. What do you expect? Come on, I don't have all night." He grabbed a fist full of the kid's hair and brought the kid's head up so it was eye level to his. "Don't you want to say thank you? After all the drinks I bought you and the coke I let you have?" Joker let his hot breath singe the kid's face.

The coke was already starting to kick in, "Hm mmmmm…" Stab hummed as he fell forward and locked lips with the Clown Prince of Crime. A dream. It had to be. Kyle would laugh so hard at this when he told him about this tomorrow.

The kiss was unexpected, but Joker let the kid to whatever it wanted to him. It was only a matter of time before the kid would let the Joker do anything he wanted, but Joker didn't want to pussy foot around. "Okay kid, I got one more thing you need to take."

Stanley was completely collapsed onto the Joker and was attempting to undo his suite jacket, "What… what now?" he babbled as he continued to undo the buttons. Joker slapped his hand away, Stanley didn't even flinch.

Joker pushed the kid off of him and made his way to the bedroom. Before he entered the room he called back to the kid, "It's in here kid, Come On."

Stanley couldn't move, he tried to signal to his head to wake up but it wouldn't. He was trapped, shit. Well, he wasn't waking up. Might as well follow the clown. It was a dream, it had to be.

He managed to get to his feet and proceeded to walk haphazardly towards the bedroom. He could hear the dogs… fuck, _Hyenas_...growling at him and it freaked him out so he walked faster.

When the kid opened the door Joker was readying a syringe… what. Stanley turned around.. fuck this shit. But before he could walk away he felt an arm hold onto him and coo, "Aw come on kid, you're already shit-faced might as well…" Stanley tried to move away from the arm holding him back, but then he felt a another hand grab onto his cock. He couldn't help it, the kid fell back into the Joker's hold.

"Don't you want to finish what you started you selfish little airheaded jockstrap Punk?!"Joker hissed into the kids ear and it moaned. It was starting to get hard, funny.

"Oh god, I don't know, what the fuck is in that shit you're gonna give me now?" Stan exclaimed as he unknowingly started to grind against the Joker's groin.

Joker chucked as he dragged the kid over to wear he placed the syringe before he caught the fucker, "Does the name 'Thomas Harris' ring a bell? No? Didn't think so." He grabbed the syringe and held it in front of the kid's face. "This here is amyl nitrite, a mind altering drug that will basically make you do anything I tell you to do. It really works! It's no magic trick. No hypnosis, no psychiatry hobble gobble, it's just plain ol' chemicals." He teasingly aimed it towards the kid's eye. It didn't even notice the proximity. "So, wanna give it a go?"

"Do I have a choice?" Stanley questioned as he continued to ride the evil clown's mid section.

Joker pushed the kid to the ground and laid the syringe back on the table. He walked over the kid and made his way to the adjoining bathroom, casually stating "Sure. If you don't want this then there's the door." He pointed towards the bedroom door.

Stanley didn't like the interruption. His head was swarming, and he briefly heard 'there's the door'. He didn't want to leave! He wanted to fuck! That's all he wanted! This whole night, all he wanted to do was get laid! Fuck! He looked towards the Joker who was getting shaving cream out of some cabinet, then he looked over to the dresser where the syringe was. If injecting that that shit into him was going to let him get laid, fuck whatever.

"Hey… Joker…" Stanley mumbled as he crawled over to the dresser. Joker perked up and looked out of the corner of his eye, this kid was going for the syringe. The Joker started to display one of his iconic sadistic smiles. He knew. He knew he choose correctly. Now the kid was grabbing for the syringe, he wasn't fighting it, he was GRABBING for it. He'd did it, this was the joke. To turn a completely honest young college student into a junkie whore. His laugh was cacophonous. The kid was stabbing himself in all the wrong places, causing bruising and bleeding all up and down its arm. In and out, all over its arm and it wasn't even aware of the mess it was making. Actually, that stuff was hard to concoct, so Joker decided to intervene.

"Now now kid, let Uncle Joker give a helping hand." Joker grabbed the syringe and tapped around the bloody arm, trying to find a vein. He found one, and inserted the needle. The kid started to laugh nervously as the stuff flooded into his pumping vein. He threw his head back as he started to pass out, but the Joker caught it in time. Throwing the syringe away somewhere to be dealt with later, he carried the kid to the bed and just haphazardly plopped it down. Before he started to strip however, the Joker grabbed a knife off of the bedside table and threw it next to the kid. "Hey kid, while I undress I want you to carve your boyfriend's entire name and address onto your stomach." Joker instructed as he started to undress himself.

"Kay…" Stanley responded as he took the knife and started to tear through his very own abdomen. The drug didn't take that much time did it? Damn Joker's good, must of been a big vein. Slowly it carved out the name of its beloved. Joker looked on anxiously, growing harder by the second. The kid moaned in anguish and confusion as it finished the name. Now it started to carve out his dorm room address. By this time the Joker was ready, so he climbed onto the bed to watch the rest of the show. Stanley's arm was starting to shake which made the blade go deeper into his flesh as he carved away- which then caused the Joker to start laughing once again. Stanley couldn't hear it, he was zoned in on his task… but for some reason he couldn't remember the rest of the address…

"That's all I know…" he dropped the blade and looked up at the Joker and started to smile anxiously. "Are you going to fuck me now?" the kid started to buck at the Joker again who was now positioned in between the kid's legs.

Joker touched the bloody address on the kid's stomach and happily responded, "Don't worry, I know the college's address. I just needed his dorm room number and complex, which you have so graciously provided." The Joker then bent down and hummed into the kid's forehead, "You've been waiting for this haven't you?" he deviously insinuated as one of his hands snaked into one of the kid's wounds. He gathered some blood between his fingertips and carried his hand towards the kid's raised ass.

The kid moaned as it wrapped its arms around the Joker's strong upper torso. The Joker started to tease the kid's opening as he watched it writhe. The kid wanted it so bad…. he shouldn't give it to him, but whatever it's not like it was going to matter to him the next day. It's a lay, but the fun stuff has yet to come.

So he prepared the kid for the biggest intrusion he would ever have to date. Not like it would feel it anyway… yeah, so what was the purpose in lubing it? He stopped doing it realizing the futility of it, the kid whined. He started to rub some of the blood onto his cock so that at least _he_ would be comfortable. "Okay kid, get ready. This is what you've been waiting for all night, right?" He positioned his cock against the kid's puckering asshole.

"Yeah… this is…" Stanley was cut off by the Joker shoving violently into him. No slowness, no intimacy, no reservation, hey… at least the Joker warned him. He could feel it in him, and he could feel the Joker thrust every so often, but he couldn't feel much else. But somehow, he didn't care. He was finally getting laid and he could tell his dick was appreciating it. He couldn't feel his dick of course, but it was hard and he could feel his head move every time the Joker thrust into him. The Joker was saying something about how he had to feed his dogs after this. What does that have to do with anything? Stanley needed to wake up.

Joker could tell the kid wasn't feeling much if it, but unconsciously its body was responding anyway. And it's not like the kid didn't want this. The kid responded to him at the bar by turning around and looking at him when he spoke to him. The Joker wasn't even disguised… well besides his fedora which covered a good part of his face. But the kid could still see him, and it drank the fucking drink he spiked anyway! And even if he did spike the drink, The Joker let the kid have a chance to escape right before he gave it the syringe. He totally would have let it escape too, full on. He honestly was kind of expecting it to leave. The whole night would have been ruined if the kid didn't want any of it, but no. The kid actually tried to inject himself, it WANTED the drug. It wanted this. It had a perfectly good life, and it let some random stranger at a club give it a drink. It was asking for this, and that's the joke.

So now Joker was fucking it, --and it wanted it. It bucked against him hoping to get it's little prick off even though it probably wouldn't feel the orgasm at all. A barrel of laughs this kid was; it wanted to get laid so bad and it won't even feel it! Funny, funny stuff.

Joker was close though, the whole date was perfectly orchestrated and he knew he was amazing for pulling it off. Stuff could have happened tonight which would have ruined everything, the bouncers could have noticed the kid was under aged or that it was almost unconscious when they left. The kid could have woken up from the acid in the car and flipped shit. When they got to the hideout and the kid figured out who he was it could have ran. But nope! Nothing like that happened. A perfect scheme-- orgasmic. It wasn't even over yet! That last thought was what sent Joker into his climax, the kid was close too. Took it long enough.

They seemed to have finished at the same time- the kid's spend laid across its cut up abdomen, mixing with the blood. Joker, not wanting to waste a second, popped out of him and rushed to get a pen and paper-- this would be the cherry on top of the sundae. He grabbed a notebook and a pencil from the other room and walked back into the bedroom. Peering over the bed, he scribbled the name and partial address of the kid's lover. When he was finished writing, he placed the notebook on the dresser and started to grab some pajamas from one of the drawers. He looked back at the kid who was just staring at the ceiling and requested, "Hey kid, before I take you home, I need you to cut off your dick and place it into that shoebox over there".

Stanley laid there for a moment. He raised his hand but it just fell back on him. He attempted to sit up but couldn't. He eventually shifted to one side and moaned, "Kay…" he grabbed the knife in front of him and numbingly obliged.

The Joker smirked at the kid as it started to emasculate itself, but he needed to hurry because he had to wake up early tomorrow since the bank his mob needed to rob for him had less security in the morning hours. He wasn't too tight on cash at the moment, but he didn't have a comfortable abundance of it either. He probably didn't have the gas money to throw the kid's remains somewhere. The guys could just mop it up when they get here tomorrow.

As he finished dressing himself, he heard the kid get up from the bed and walk towards the shoebox on the floor. He watched intensely as the kid opened the box, place the messily hacked penis inside it, and then close it. The kid stood up and smiled, "Kyle will never believe this…" it said to itself

Joker smiled too, but it was a far more sinister smile, a _knowing_ smile. "You messed-up-druggie kid," he teased as it just laughed and swayed. Joker called out to it again, "Don't worry though, he'll believe you. I will be sending him a gift tomorrow."

Stan smiled brighter, "Good! The that'll be proof…" It was starting to suffer from blood loss, Joker noticed this.

Joker tisked, "You need a shower kid, I need to get you home. But first, you should say bye to Bud and Lou. They will miss you _so_ much…" he pointed towards the open door. The Hyena's noticed that their master called their names so they stirred and started to wag their tails.

Stanley dizzily exclaimed, "I do love fuck'n dogs…" he laughed as he gazed toward the Joker before he walked out the bedroom door.

Joker patted it's shoulder as the kid walked past him, "That's _right_ isn't it? And they'll just LOVE you…"

The Hyena's could smell the kid's blood as it approached them. They started to laugh excitedly as the kid walked right into their snarling frenzy.

* * *

"The next day, after being terribly worried about his boyfriend the night before, Kyle found a box outside his dorm room addressed to him. When he opened it up, he found the severed penis inside. Rumors claim that he's still in therapy at Arkham. The rumor also claims that every now and then, when Joker gets reinstated, he secretly sends Kyle love notes with Stanley's name signed on the bottom." Ivy concludes as the men stare at her with their mouths agape.

Ivy had finished all of her drinks by then, and quite honestly she feels okay. She's always had a high tolerance, but the guys stopped drinking after she got deep into the story. She believed that it was about time for them to have another drink.

"Ah you drama queens," she exclaims, but they were still silent, "You guys are no fun! It's a story! It's just about as verifiable as your stories were. I mean, I can't guarantee that the guy that told that to Penguin was telling the truth!" They still didn't say anything. She waves to the waiter to bring a round of drinks to the men.

The waiter arrives with the drinks and the men still sat in silence. Ivy announces, "Okay guys drink it off. Seriously." She hands each man a drink.

One of the guys spoke up, "After a story like that, I'm going to have to" he along with all the other guys finish off their beers in one big chug.

Ivy starts to laugh, and the boys look to her in confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"Didn't you guys learn anything from that story?" she maliciously snarled.

The goons look even more confused as one of them suddenly falls onto the table. Dead.

Horror spread across each one of the others faces. But before they can act, they all drop dead into the table.

Ivy slowly gets up from her chair and slams down a 100 dollar bill coated in cocaine onto the table.

Before anyone noticed the goons were dead, she was already gone.

"Never take drinks from strangers."

* * *

**AN:** First Batman Fic! I want to pay special gratitude to PrincessBee who inspired me to write again after reading her amazing stories! This fanfiction is dedicated to her.

The part where Ivy reminisces about the time she hid with Joker and Harley was a reference to PrincessBee's story "Entwined" which quite honestly is the hottest piece of literature I have ever read.

The link to the story is in my profile since you can not put urls here.

Thank you for reading! Reviews are most appreciated!


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